Take My Breath Away
It was tha phota that really threw me so it was. That big wan o her in tha gold frame on tha coffin lid. She was smilin out o tha phota from under tha white flowers scaldin everywan’s hearts. Between thon phota an tha smell o them big lilies, there’s me thinkin I was gonnie boke up all over tha chapel. An uppa front I seen her oul doll had tha arm aroun tha back o tha oulest wane, an tha oulest wane was howlin tha hand o tha youngest wane, an them wi new black clothes. Father Cavanagh sez tha usual, mother, friend, daughter, sister, an all that kinda oul chat. I was waitin for him ti say lovin wife an all, cause he problee toul her ti stay wi that wee Southern bastard.
Me an Majella done everyhin together from when she’d fled Tha Troubles wi her ma an her wee sisters. A wave o them come over tha border thon time. We had seen it all on tha TV, tha black hulks o skeleton buses, tha burnin houses, tha British soldiers wi their berets an guns, tha screamin mothers in headscarves an tha wanes standin behind them wavin at tha cameras. We felt wile sorry fir them so we did. But when they come here people wasnae too happy I can tell ye. Me aunty had been waitin fir a house off o Donegal County Council an was livin out tha back o me granny’s in a wee green an white caravan. There’s her sharin a bed wi me two wee cousints an me uncle, an her expectin again. An there’s themuns fightin amongst themsels so they could getta house in tha Free State jus ti be on wan long holiday, they even brung a ween o buckets an spades sez the oul doll at tha time. But she warmed ti them eventually, it was hard ti ignore people who talked nearly tha same as ye an hung tha same washin up on tha other side o a single breezeblock wall.
I was playin wi a tennis ball against tha end gable when she came out ti play thon time. That oul hallion Reynolds got crabbed but she jus stuck her two fingers up at him. She sez they’d been livin in Finner camp in a big tent since they got tha bus over ti this side. It was wile crack she sez, an tha soldiers was wile nice ti them. I had never seen soldiers on this side o tha border, an when I ast me oul boy about it, he jus sez ‘sure ye’d never see them southerners up around here anyways, they wouldn’t give ye tha smell o their own shite’.
She won tha handball game tha first day, she could twirl an clap her hands twice before tha last ball came back inti her hand. She knew dances ti go wi all tha songs in tha charts an we’d record them of o Toppa tha Pops an do tha routines like Legs an Co out in her back garden, wi tha tape recorder up at tha open windee o tha kitchen. We’d throw stones an hop across coloured chalk squares, jump in an out o coloured elastics an duke in an out o skippin ropes. She knew wile bad songs too about a wee girl called Suzy who lost her bra that we sang danderin down tha brae ti school .
That was tha same year o tha Holy Communion. I wore me ouler sister’s dress an the oul doll jus painted me sandals white wi Lady Esquire, tha colour showin through in streaks, an then painted them back ti navy tha next day fir school on tha Monday. Majella got tha new white satin sandals an a brand new dress, wi wee flowers an all sewn arouna waist band.
Fir our confirmation we both got new outfits up in Fosters in Derry. Mine’s was a blue an white striped top an skirt an hers was a wee red dress. The oul doll gurned on about themuns goin over tha border when it suited them but not ti their face. Majella got a grey leatherette jacket fir her confirmation an I didn’t but I made fifty poun more than her because I had me aunties an uncles an all.
Tha only time I seen her in tha last few years was at tha communions an tha confirmations. Cost me a fortune redding mesel up in dresses an hairdos so they do. Her hair’d be all flat an was near grey already. Tha last time I seen her alive was at tha confirmations in May cause I was godmother ti wan o me wee nieces. Ti be honest wi ye, I didn’t even tip me head up at her.
We went fir tha tour o tha factory when we’s in third year. They give us free Kit Kats an toul us if ye sewed so many t-shirts in a week ye gotta Walkman. All tha wee girls wore white Fruit o tha Loom t-shirts an a load o them had foam headphones on, listenin te music bent over tha sewin machines under tha big Perspex skylights, while tha manager walked our class aroun. I didnae like tha look of it but she sez ti me she was gonti go so I sez I was too. All tha snobs from tha class went on tha tour though we knew there’s no way they’d be let leave after tha Inter Cert anyways. They’s jus there fir tha Kit Kats an a day off. We knew them wee girls would go ti Coleraine or even ti Dublin ti college, or get a job in their oul boys’ office or sumin, an we wudnae see them again, an so they did.
It was class havin me own money an all but then tha factory closed up thon time an went ti tha Philippines or some place. After a few months me an her got a job at Mansion Meats. Our job was turnin over tha chickens on tha line, lookin ti see had all their feathers been removed. Tha wee boys on tha line would preten ti be gettin off wi them an we’d piss oursels, an hunt them wi our slabbery gloves when tha foreman wasnae lookin. There was no gettin away from tha fact we was wile lookin in them plastic shower caps they made us wear but. An we’d have ti scrub ourselves wi nail brushes after work, especially of a Friday, an snoke each other from up close, wan foot, then two foot ti make sure tha smell o tha bleach an dead stuff was gone.
When I think o thon job now it sickens me, I still cannae buy a whole chicken. I cannae stand tha look o them. I go fir tha breasts an I have a wee green-silicone tongs even jus ti take them out o tha packet. If Conor asks why we cannae have a proper roast on Sundays I tell him ti go ti his oul doll’s. Tha other day but, I cringed when I heard mesel tell him where te go. I was afeard ti think what it was like fir her, but I couldnae help it. I bet she’d o got a right lyngin if she’d sez that ti him.
Before she gotta crimper in Argos, we’d had ti do tha hair up every Thursday night. Twistin each other’s locks inti tha pink bendy sticks that we’d have ti wear all night and all day Friday under them hats, an then hokin them back out in tha changin room after tha siren went, an then runnin our fingers through it so it looked less like Shirley Temple or sumin. Hers’d go like Kelly McGillis out o Top Gun, cause hers was blonde. Then we’d dose ourselves in hairspray in front of tha mirrors in the changin room until everythin turned inti squares from tha smell o it. She hadda Walkman that she’d got at tha tee-shirt factory but she’d put tha sponge ears aroun her neck an put tha Maddona tape on wile loud for tha walk home. We’d get chips out o Harry Pat’s van for a wee Friday treat. We’d tell yer man ti soak them in vinegar ti stop tha fat goin ti our hips, an eat them on tha way home, ignorin tha wee boys who stood at Doherty’s corner, gulderin at us. A few chips’d get thrown ti tha seagulls but we’d save tha end o tha bag fir tha wee McCormack boy who’d still be skitin aroun tha estate in his pyjamas. We’d talk away right up ti tha door, though we’d worked all day together side be side shoutin abova tha clatterin machines.
We was still too young ti get inti nightclubs in Letterkenny an we would o been seen gettin onna bus, so we was for tha Hall every Friday night. There was no drinkin inside but, so we’d get wan of tha oul boys at tha factory ti get us a ween o Ritz down at Jerry’s off licence an stash them. They was dear enough so we’d not eat again after tha chips an then we’d get totally full on two bottles. We’d kick her wee sisters out o tha bedroom ti drink them, then brush our teeth an chew a loada gum so yer man at tha door o tha hall couldnae smell it off us. Her oul doll didnae care, she liked a wee vodka or two on a Friday evenin, playin her showband records an lookin at oul photos of tha father an tha brother, havin a wee cry ti hersel.
He was tha new apprentice at tha boat builders yard, some relation of oul McDonaghs apparently, though everywan was sayin it was a sin, tha job shoulda been given te sumwan local, there was that many signin on thon time. We reckoned he was like Tom Cruise, he had a motorbike, an a flicked brown fringe an brown eyes an all. We was both mad intee him but we thought his Southern accent was wile rare, an had ti ask him ti repeat himsel when he spoke ti us. He’d get a wile thrawn look about him but he’d speak again wile slowly until we’d understan. He was always askin her about Tha Troubles so he was, and her delighted cause no wan else here wanted ti know. One night when we was sittin on tha bench, handbags an all piled up beside us, he ast her ti dance ti Take My Breath Away o Top Gun. She took his stretched out hand an got up. There was no messin, no funny face made back ti me from tha dance floor nor nuthin.
She was all about him after that, which wasn’t fair ti me but I was used ti it ti be honest, her bein tha blondie an all, she’d always got tha wee boys. I hardly seen her unless he was workin or sumin, though wan time he took tha both o us out in wan of tha punts, fir testin its repairs. He made us laugh, standin at tha stern, steerin tha tiller wi his arse. Us at tha bow, screamin when tha spray bounced inti our faces as he skited over tha waves. When ye seen tha town from there it looked like sumthin out of a postcard right enough. He sez he’d buy her tha Americans’ house on the shore path an they’d live in it wi all their wanes. He was all about her, always sayin she was beautiful an all, even in front o me. We’d never seen a wee boy aroun here go on like that.
We still went ti tha Hall tha Friday fir a few months after but he was always there wi. us, beside us on tha bench, though he could have gone ti Letterkenny, could have even taken us an we would o got in at thon stage. Then, she stopped tha crimpin, because he sez it didnae suit her. But she still crimped mine’s after work until she jus give me tha crimper all together. He’d be waitin be tha factory gates on his motorbike every evenin te give her a lift home. When they stopped goin ti tha Hall I was wile thick wi her but then I jus started goin ti Letterkenny wi tha other wans.
They married as soon as she was eighteen, she was already showin. She’d ast her oul doll ti give them tha permission before then but she wouldnae, so she stopped speakin ti her, even before she stopped speakin ti everywan else.
He hollowed her out so he did, slowly at first. Me thinkin that’s jus what happened when ye got married, an that’s what she sez when I ast her. Be tha time tha second wane was born, she went in wi a black eye, but no wan in there musta ast her about it, or if they did she musta toul them it was an accident like she always sez. Be tha third wan she was like a vase or sumin, still beautiful from a distance but jus all glued together cracks up close. There was more an more trips ti tha hospital, the oul dolls muttered about it over tha back wall. Them bruises was covered up be long sleeves an make up for when she went out ti tha shops. Wan wane followed tha other an I stopped goin down there after a few years as there was no craic in her at all.
An then wan day out o tha blue I heard that she was on life support an tha Guards had him up in Letterkenny. Brigit Barons from tha flat downstairs had called them, because tha wanes was all screamin away. He went quietly from the boatyard, problee still smilin like he always did. He was tha same when they took his photo comin out o tha court an was bein led back inti tha van.
Tha paper jus give it a wee paragraph, as if it wasnae a murder, as if it was jus an accident. He got off wi manslaughter in tha end. Only served a few years so he did, but he never came back up here. I heard he tried ringin tha wanes a few times. He sends them presents fir Christmas the oul doll sez. Her oul doll throws them out unopened but. Tha oulest wan is tha image o her so she is, I see her waitin fir tha bus, tha blonde hair all done up in bounced curls from a hot roller.